Fending off the … Fans?

Writing Erotica

Let me tell you, one of the best ways to learn how to write is to write smut. It’s intricate, it’s messy, it’s downright naughty. It’s also a great way to learn what makes a character tick. What will they do to get that thing they want so bad? Yes, you can learn writing from other forms, however… think about it. Sex is Scandalous. Some people will do whatever it takes to keep their kinky desires secret. The best way to learn plot twists and secrets and desires is to start writing kink.


Some people shout from the rooftops that they write erotica. Other people hide it like a miser hides money. Usually the reason people hide it has nothing to do with embarrassment or shame. It’s because they know exactly what their friends and family would say if they found out that they write kinky stories about pegging and hot women cuckolding their husbands.

I’m in between. Some people know a little, some people know enough, others have read my writing. My issue is those who have decided they want more than just the writing. Let me give you a little secret: Erotica Authors are not out there in the world having orgies and threesomes or whipping submissives or being punished by dominants. Well, not ALL of them anyway. Some are in the lifestyle, but more often than not, they are simply writing from their own imagination.

I know people in the life. We chat. I have them read my writing to let me know if it’s realistic. My issue is all the BDSM writing out there that doesn’t contain consent. I didn’t include safe word or hard limit discussions in Fiona and Her Knotty Life, but it was an established relationship. Meaning at some point in the boring background it was discussed. On top of that, they were in a safe location with an intermediate both times.

The Awkwardness of Conversations

I’ve had some awkwardness with people who know what I do. There are those who are funny and ask for boob pics. However, this person has been asking for boob pics since the inception of our friendship and it’s just one of our lovely quirks. “Boobs?” “No boobs.” “Booo.” There’s more to this friendship than meets the eye, but nothing salacious. Well, this is the friend that tied me up and then so kindly untied me. There’s trust. He knows where my lines are drawn and respects them.

You have to have lines in the concrete from the person who wants to sit next to you when you’re trying to write that supernova of a climax to those who want to have you stop over and bend over. It’s difficult to write something steamy when someone is sitting there next to you trying to read over your shoulder. It drives me a little batty. I never get any writing done when I’m interrupted on a break at work. It irks me because I’m not hounding them on their break. It’s my lunch break and I’ve earned it. Just because I take it much later than others (it’s more convenient and makes the afternoon shorter) doesn’t make it any less important than their own.

So yes – draw that line. Let people know that this is your time. If you’re a little less capable of doing that, like myself (I have this insane urge to be nice to people who tend to get walked on regularly) then change-up your location. If there’s more than one place to hide on your break, do so. It doesn’t matter if you’re writing on your phone or a little laptop or with pen and paper, but get those words down.


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  1. I think this is the sad truth when it comes to erotica. When sex is a central theme, people have a tendency to assume that you must be living the life you portray in your fiction.

    Which is odd.

    Do we assume that Agatha Christie was out there poisoning old relatives to get an inheritance? What about J R R Tolkien? Did he spend his life in his shed making cursed jewellery?

    1. Could you imagine the script writers? Halloween, Nightmare on Elm St, Friday the 13th? Yup, sure they lived those lives to get the story.
      The only thing I’ve done for research is to be tied up.

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