Adventures in Writing: Pushing Through Pain

Pushing through pain isn’t always the best option but sometimes there isn’t a choice.

Straight talk – I do not understand how people suffering from chronic pain get through everyday life. Let me tell you… I feel pain but only when I overdo it and strain myself. I know chronic illness sufferers have to deal with things constantly and on top of the pain and issues, medications and side effects. Every one of you is strong. Even at your weakest, you are stronger than me.

Thursday morning I woke up with a pinched nerve. Back in the early 2000s I tore a muscle in my shoulder and pinched the nerve. I’m one of the rare women who had no pain during contractions (even before the epidural which I requested, which was a godsend later on because of complications). So, when I tell you that this is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life – believe it.

Since the incident of my injury, I’ve always had issues with my left shoulder. I know I push myself by lifting heavy things now and then, but I cannot help myself. And then there are the times I wake up in holy hell pain and do not understand why. Sometimes it takes a few incidents before that nerve says ‘fuck you, the shoulder and I have had enough, here’s payback’ and then I never want to move again.

However, not moving is just as bad. There is no comfortable position when you have a pinched nerve.

I have sensitive nerves in the right-side of my back. It’s where I carry part of my stress. When getting a massage, this is the area that twitches and fights to establish dominance. It fails, though. Eventually the massage therapist wins the battle.

Normally when this happens, I take time off (in the evenings, never the day job) and do as little as possible, but that’s not possible right now. When it first happened, I hurt myself laughing at the nurse because she (and the doctor shortly after) begged me for my boss’s cell phone number to call me off work for three days. Silly people. Who will take three days off when their backup just quit? Not me. Nope.

Not going to happen. I will go down with the ship, captain or not.

So, if you haven’t heard (and if you haven’t it’s probably because you aren’t following me and my #SistersInSmut on Twitter, hello… join the party – we’re waiting for you) we are in the last leg of the Chemical [se]X2: Just One More race. Tuesday, May 7th is our release party. Do you know what I’ve been doing this entire time away from the blog?

Let me tell you…

-I built a landing page for the Twitter party on Tuesday – be there, you could win an ebook – 7-9pm eastern using #ChemSexv2.

-Created countless promotion images. I even squeezed promotions in the #Storyin12 game twice. Yeah, go me.

-I worked on Skype for hours to put up the print book, fix the print cover, upload the ebook, and cover, and go through all the details with our amazing publisher Dr. J. and the creative mind behind the anthology Oleander Plume

-There were other Skype sessions in there for stuff. Some random, some not so random. I’ve lost track.

-I created a new header image for Sisters in Smut which will go live, eventually.

-I know I’ve forgotten many things I’ve done. It’s a lot. A LOT.

Putting out a print book is 100,000x harder than anything I’ve had to do (other than you know, raising a kid and keeping her alive). However, doing things in the last few days when I’m in white hot molten pain is the worst. Nothing works for me medication-wise when this happens now, at least not over-the-counter stuff. Our insurance sucks, so I don’t bother going to urgent care or anything unless it’s dire.

But the worst thing ever?

Sneezing… Sneezing fucking hurts. I almost got the hiccups earlier today but luckily I am not prone to them and knocked that shit off real effing quick. I went for a walk in the park today, but it was very slow and only one time around and I’ll probably pay for it tomorrow. Okay, I will go stand under the shower and see if the massaging shower head can pound some tension left in my shoulders and neck from trying not to move since Thursday. (Hint: Obviously I failed in not moving. There’s no win-win. Ever.) Cue the music.

Here’s some music for you that isn’t entirely relevant but hey, good song, yo.

Pain by Three Days Grace