TMI Tuesday: Shame
Here we go, when I divulge either too little or too much, or perhaps just enough? Stop by TMI Tuesday and get the questions, then answer them on your own blog.
1. Tell us a sexual thing/fantasy would you never want your friends to know you like or have done?
Well, I write a range of interesting scenarios. Some, I’d be thrilled to experience while others are way beyond my personal need to get off. I don’t feel shame for anything that I enjoy and no one should. Unless it’s against someone’s will, true non-consent, (and everyone is of legal age) then no one should be shamed for the things they enjoy.
2. Has anyone ever found an item of sexy underwear, a sex toy or perhaps a picture on your phone that embarrassed you?
No, my embarrassing photos are those selfies. That’s shameful. I tend to delete often, but every now and then, I miss a few. I don’t take those photos. Oh, and my avatar is me from a boudoir shoot about 7 years ago.
3. Do you have any fantasies you could never go through with because you think you would feel ashamed?
Being 40, perhaps I’ve worked through a lot of the things in my life that others haven’t yet. I don’t feel shameful about what turns me on. I think being an erotica author helps with that, too. I want everyone to have a positive experience. I want everyone to be fulfilled and happy and I want them to feel good about their choices.
4. Have you ever felt shame after a sexual experience?
Not in a very long time and I wasn’t ashamed for what I’d done, I was ashamed for going about things the way I did. Another experience, I was ashamed because I allowed someone to treat me that way. Shame can only be felt if you know you’re doing something wrong. So, if you’re in a monogamous relationship and you cheat, yes you should feel shameful. We are all flawed and there’s no way to get out of life without feeling some form of regret or shame at some point in life.
Bonus: Share a recent non-sexual moment of shame.
I think my most shameful thing is that I haven’t fully spring-cleaned the house. But, I’ll get there, one day at a time.
Yeah, shame is pointless. Just admit you did something stupid and move on. Stop kicking yourself and don’t let other people make you feel bad.
Exactly! If you can’t forgive yourself then how are others supposed to be able to forgive you? Enough is enough.
Honestly, too many romance writers are ashamed of what they write. Sex is a part of life, so people need to move on and get over it. If two people didn’t have sex and get turned on, then none of us would be here. It’s pointless feeling shame about writing sex.