Adventures in Writing: Smutty Research

[Originally posted on Sisters in Smut]

Are we ready for some Smutty Research?

Today I’m here to tell you something most people don’t even realize. But first, let’s start with something everyone already knows. A certain blockbuster trilogy, books and movies, blew open the world of kinky fuckery known as BDSM. However, a lot of the things portrayed could be considered cough incorrect cough.

Before you click that X, just give me a few more moments of your time, please.

To be honest, I never read passed page 13 or 26… I can’t even really remember it was so long ago. No, I haven’t seen the movies. I have read Jenny Trout’s chapter by chapter recap and thoughts and almost died laughing a few times (be warned, you might laugh or you might throw something depending on your own views about that blockbuster). It wasn’t the content that irked me, it was the writing. My brain hurt, so I put it aside. I tried more than once. I just couldn’t. However, from the many views I’ve heard of those who read it, the content could’ve been more consensual than from what I’ve been told.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into the details I’d like to share. It’s (mostly) true that visits to the ER increased after the release of that certain trilogy. Do you know why? Because people decided to give it a whirl without any thought or regard to the actual impact they were making. You can’t just tie someone up without knowing how to do it – and you shouldn’t do it without clear communications beforehand.

You just can’t pick up a flogger and start wailing on someone – This is a direct quote from the Southern Sir himself, John Brownstone. And if anyone knows about flogging, he’s the Dominant I’d turn to when it came to research.

Sure, you can watch a video of someone being flogged. But, if there isn’t any dialogue, if there isn’t any direction, it’s not a learning tool. Trust me, I’ve been there. I don’t live a kinky fuckery lifestyle and I rely on research and conversations more often than not. I rely on listening to the Loving BDSM Podcast for tips and tricks and insights into the world of BDSM so that my writing can draw you in to a more realistic setting.

I’ve also been tied up for research myself. Yes, I’ve gone to this length to improve my writing. And while you don’t have to, it’s a good idea to get something more than a video or a book in front of you. Look in your local area, or if you’re afraid you might run into someone you know, a few towns or a city over, to find a class about spanking or flogging or binding. It can make a hell of a difference in your personal view (maybe you discover your own set of kinks or fetishes) and your view when you’re reading other stories featuring kinky fuckery.

(Let’s make a drinking game – drink every time you read Kinky Fuckery, mmmkay?)

Oh so tied up… can be fun, but don’t forget your safety scissors.

Image of slim female body intertwined by rope, close-up

Not interested in going through the binding, spanking, etc. for research? That’s okay, too! You don’t have to do that, but you do have to remember that with great power comes great responsibility. Sure, people should damn well realize that they are reading something fictional and it’s their choice to attempt to do the things portrayed in that fiction, but like they say before those stupid shows of people having accidents attempting stunts – don’t try this at home – might be a great thing to put in front of BDSM-related stories and videos these days.

Things ARE getting better, though! And that’s because many people involved in the BDSM Community have come out from behind the tinted windows to share their own experiences on the internet. BDSM isn’t a rich man’s game. Anyone can participate but there has to be some form of education. Reaching out to people like Kayla Lords, John Brownstone, and any other number of kinky educators is the first step to having a safe and consensual good time.

The More You Know…

Listening to the Loving BDSM Podcast and hearing Kayla state that there have been times she’s lost the ability to speak because of the intense satisfaction of the scene she and John Brownstone are creating scares me, but then I realize, I’ve had moments like that, too. You may have yourself – those intense and incredible sexy times with someone who just hit every right spot and sent you soaring so high you literally thought you may have died? Yeah, I’ve had that. I literally stopped breathing, couldn’t speak a damn word to save my life. And then my partner turned to me, touched my face, asked if I was okay. I took an extremely deep breath, let it out, and said fuck yes.

There are so many stories I’ve read where the Dominant is a jerk and doesn’t discuss boundaries. Even people in the kinky life should do research both for real life scenes and fictional writing. Is the Dominant being mindful of the submissive’s well-being? Are they giving their submissive what they need? Does the submissive feel they can speak up about their needs? These are things in constant flux and need to be communicated often. The more often you have characters communicate while they’re playing doesn’t take the sexy heat away from the story – it shows just how much they care about each other.

Are you unsure if something you’ve written that has kinky fuckery is safe, sane, and consensual? Set it aside for a month or two and if you feel uncomfortable reading it again, then you may need to address that issue and fix your story. You can also find sensitivity readers, but beware, if you trigger them, they won’t be able to finish reading.

I work to improve my writing with research and asking questions. One of my biggest questions normally is “Does this scene work?” “If people were to try this responsibly, would someone get hurt?” Responsibly is the keyword there because if they just go out and buy implements of kinky fuckery without actually researching what they’re trying . . . well hopefully they have clear communication. Spanking itself can cause detrimental trauma to someone who isn’t ready to be wailed on.

this one time at band camp…

Using the internet to find videos of BDSM scenes does help because if I find it in the proper place, where people are doing things safely and consensually, then I know what I’m attempting to portray in a story should be safe for someone willing to test out the kinky fuckery.

It’s also a good idea to include aftercare. Did the Rigger check in to see if the bound submissive had numbness? Did they rub hands and feet or other places that were bound after undoing the ropes? These things are so important in real life – and no, fiction isn’t real life – but unfortunately, not everyone will stop to think about that. They just want to give it a whirl this one time.

This post is for those of both sides when it comes to kinky fuckery. Authors need to do their research. Kinky Fuckery Lifestyle Enthusiasts need to keep up on their education. People new to kink need to do their research so that no one gets hurt and everyone has intentional, enthusiastic, and consensual fun.

What are you doing to help others become better versed in the world of Kinky Fuckery? I always say “Listen to Loving BDSM Podcast because there’s good info there.” And hey, if you’re looking for some kinky fuckery items, visit the Kinky Fuckery Store at Kayla Lords’ website. (Are you falling down drunk yet? You’re welcome?)

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